Oh perdon por eso, no habia podido subir las versiones a mi blog y casi lo olvidaba, ya puedes ojear de nuevo los links en el profile de Mona y JD estan puestos.
"Date of Birth" is the correct usage, should include a year, if not specified you can go like "????"
I would use "also known as J'D" instead of "or as her friends call her J'D", but if you want to keep your version, some punctuation: "Joana or, as her friends calls her, J'D". "Play for great artists" this reads as if the great artists are her audience, but perhaps you wanted to say "play with great artists"? "and be a part of incredibly wild parties" "With these objectives in mind she arrived at Jagua del Toro" or "she came to Jagua del Toro" "thnking it would be a good place to begin seeking her goals" I would cut to "thinking it would be a good place to start" "but she only managed to get a job" (by using 'instead' it sounds like her dreams will never come true, without it you mean 'she didn't get her dream job but she still wants it while working in club) I would end sentence here, honestly it runs abit too long even at this point. The next part I got only after rereading a few times "She got to work as a D'J but Bikinis and Thongs were her working uniform" "but she also has a maternal side that makes her more responsible" this information is a bit confusing to me, perhaps you should add how she shows her maternal side? "person that loves parties" means she loves the parties themselves, if you ment that she loves to part herself "person that loves to party" "hot rich guys" if she prefers looks over money "rich hot guys" if she prefers money over looks. "Her loyalty to her friends is unquestionable, if they get in some trouble, she is capable of doing anything to help them."
Me again :>
"Date of Birth" is the correct usage, should include a year, if not specified you can go like "????"
I would use "also known as J'D" instead of "or as her friends call her J'D", but if you want to keep your version, some punctuation: "Joana or, as her friends calls her, J'D".
"Play for great artists" this reads as if the great artists are her audience, but perhaps you wanted to say "play with great artists"?
"and be a part of incredibly wild parties"
"With these objectives in mind she arrived at Jagua del Toro" or "she came to Jagua del Toro"
"thnking it would be a good place to begin seeking her goals" I would cut to "thinking it would be a good place to start"
"but she only managed to get a job" (by using 'instead' it sounds like her dreams will never come true, without it you mean 'she didn't get her dream job but she still wants it while working in club)
I would end sentence here, honestly it runs abit too long even at this point.
The next part I got only after rereading a few times "She got to work as a D'J but Bikinis and Thongs were her working uniform"
"but she also has a maternal side that makes her more responsible" this information is a bit confusing to me, perhaps you should add how she shows her maternal side?
"person that loves parties" means she loves the parties themselves, if you ment that she loves to part herself "person that loves to party"
"hot rich guys" if she prefers looks over money "rich hot guys" if she prefers money over looks.
"Her loyalty to her friends is unquestionable, if they get in some trouble, she is capable of doing anything to help them."
Hope this helps